what to look for in a guy

What to Look For In A Guy: 11 Qualities of a Good Man

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Dating and marriage are different this day in age; there’s no doubt about it! And that’s why a lot of women find themselves wondering what to look for in a guy. It’s essential to understand your expectations before getting into a relationship with someone because it can cause many conflicts or challenges for couples who don’t meet each other’s expectations. 

It’s also important to set realistic expectations when looking for a new partner because nobody is perfect. You will want to choose your criteria based on your goals and personal values. But here are a few ideas of things to look for in a guy. 

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11 Most Important Things to Look for In A Guy

happy couple

1. He Takes A Genuine Interest In You

This means that he cares about what you’re doing, what you’re thinking, what you care about, how you’re feeling, etc. He doesn’t have to have the same interests, but he should still respect you and your interests. And you should do the same for him! You don’t have to like or be interested in cars, but if he wants to talk to you about them, take time to listen because he will appreciate it. 

2. He Has Similar Or Complimentary Values As You

This one is one of the most important things to look for in a partner! Your core values are what make you, you! They are what shape your decision-making, your life choices, etc. It’s essential to determine what your core values are so that you can prioritize them in your life and your relationships. 

Your values are what you think is MOST important in life. For instance, your values might be family, honesty, faith, monogamy, etc. There are hundreds of values out there. You need to decide what your core values are. But if you get into a relationship with someone who doesn’t value monogamy or honesty, the odds are that it is not going to be a very happy relationship. 

Talking about the things you value at the beginning of a new relationship is very important. And your partner’s values don’t have to be the exact same as yours, but they also can’t be the opposite either. Often times having differing values is what causes marriages to fail. So be upfront from the beginning!

3. He Knows How To Communicate Effectively – Or Is Willing to Learn

Communication is key to a healthy relationship, yet no one teaches you the proper way to communicate anymore. There are four basic types of communication; passive, aggressive, passive-aggressive, and assertive. Assertive communication is the only one you should be using! It’s honest without being disrespectful, and it’s effective in meeting your needs. 

If you are familiar with assertive communication, great! If not, learn it, and make sure your future partner can use it as well! 

The assertive communication formula:

“When __________ happens, I feel _____. I would really like it if _______.” If you can just remember this formula, you will be set! 

An example of assertive communication:

This: “When I have to do all of the house chores myself, I feel overwhelmed. I would really like it if you could help me with a couple of chores.” 

Instead of this: “When YOU don’t help with the chores, I get really mad at YOU. YOU need to help me with the chores.” 

See how the first one comes off as less of an attack but still gets the point across? The first one uses “I” statements. So you are taking responsibility for your feelings. It’s respectful and honest. Whereas the second one is just placing blame on the other person in an aggressive way. 

Every relationship needs healthy communication to succeed! 

4. He Is Willing to  Compromise

Compromise is KEY in a relationship. You will not always agree with your partner, no matter how similar your values are. Things will come up all the time that you need to compromise on. Maybe it’s what you’re going to do this weekend, or perhaps it’s whether or not you want to buy a house, go on a trip, etc. 

There will be plenty of big and little things to compromise on. If your partner isn’t willing to compromise, you will spend the entire relationship unhappy because you never get what you want, and you never feel heard. 

5. He Can Be Vulnerable

Being vulnerable can be challenging for men sometimes. But without vulnerability, there isn’t a genuine connection. You cannot feel truly connected to someone if they have their guard up and aren’t willing to open up to you. And you are much less likely to open up to them if you feel they can’t do the same for you. 

6. He Listens – Really Listens

Nothing is more frustrating than trying to talk to someone, and they are ignoring you. If someone isn’t willing to sit and give you their full attention when you have something you would like to talk about with them, they aren’t worth your time. 

Being a good listener is more than just hearing what someone says. It’s hearing them, genuinely taking it in, and making a spot for it in your memory. If they seem like they’re listening but can’t repeat back to you a word you just said, then they weren’t really listening. 

For a fun activity to get to know each other, check out these 99 Questions for Couples to Ask Each Other.

7. He Has Integrity & He is Honest

The easiest way to describe integrity is doing the right thing, even if no one is watching. Being with someone who has integrity is important because you don’t want to be cheated on, lied to, or taken advantage of. 

And because no one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes, it’s also important that if your partner does do something you would disapprove of, that they are honest about it and not try to hide it. Secrets don’t make for a good relationship, ever! 

8. He Is Stable – Emotionally AND Physically

This doesn’t mean he has to have a killer job making tons of money. But, if someone is still living in their mom’s house, playing video games all day, and has no desire to get a job or take care of themself, they might not be ready for a committed relationship. 

As far as being emotionally stable, they also don’t have to be perfect. But if they have some mental illness that they don’t care to work on, or they don’t have much emotional maturity or intelligence, there’s a good chance they need to focus on themselves before getting into a serious relationship. 

9. He Supports You 

To be supportive is to stand by someone in an encouraging manner. If you want to further your education, change careers, or dye your hair a different color, he should support things that make you happy.

This doesn’t mean he can’t express how he feels about your decisions in a respectful manner. But he shouldn’t ever put you down or make you feel bad for decisions or changes you want to make. 

10. He Has Emotional Intelligence

This is so important for EVERYONE to have. Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand, manage, and regulate your emotions. This includes being able to recognize and act appropriately to other people’s emotions, as well as recognize and control your own emotions. 

Someone who lacks emotional intelligence might struggle with empathy, sympathy, anger issues, vulnerability, etc. It can be challenging to be in a relationship with someone who either can’t recognize your emotions and react appropriately or recognize their own emotions and have a sense of control over them. Someone’s emotional intelligence can also play a role in their attachment style, and having attachment styles that complement one another is helpful in a relationship.

11. His Family Is Compatible With You And Your Family

This goes for family and friends. You can be really into someone and end up struggling to get along with their family. It’s up to you to decide how much this factor weighs into your relationship. If they are close with their family or friends, you will have to spend time with them often if you decide to end up in a long-term relationship with this person.  Here are some great tips for making it work with someone if you don’t get along with their family!

As for friends, you might not want to be in a relationship with someone whose friends are not enjoyable to be around or do things you might not find acceptable or appropriate. 

In Summary: What to Look for In A Guy

Now, it’s important to remember that no one in this world is capable of meeting all of these criteria all of the time. But, you can still let your potential partner know that these things are important to you. And you might want to ask them what they are looking for in a woman, so you can make sure that both of you are on the same page with what you’re looking for in a relationship.

What did you think of this list of things to look for in a guy? What is this list missing? Which qualities are important to you and which aren’t? We would love to hear from our readers in the comment!

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what to look for in a guy

Kayla is the content creator over at motviationformom.com. She is a wife and mother who loves to share all of the tips, tricks, and life lessons that she has learned over the years with all of her readers. Her primary focus is on children’s education, motherhood, and healthy family relationships!


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