Motherhood is full of surprises! Everyone knows that it will be hard, but there’s no way to explain exactly what life will be like as a parent. As crazy as it is, it’s the most rewarding and fun job you will ever have in this lifetime. And when things start to get hard, you have to see the humor in it all, or you might just lose your mind! These 21 funny parenting quotes will help! 

 

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21 Seriously Funny Parenting Quotes That Explain Motherhood Perfectly

1. “Being a parent is like folding a fitted sheet; no one really knows how.”

Even though everyone thinks they know how to be a “perfect” parent, they don’t. It’s funny how the world always assumes they can be a better mother to your children than you can. But guess what? Everyone has different parenting styles, and that’s okay!

As long as you are doing what you can to be the best mother you can be, you’re doing it right! And if you’re stressed about whether or not you’re “good enough,” you already are. This is one of my favorite funny parenting quotes because it’s so accurate… I cannot fold a fitted sheet. 

2. “My house looks like I’m losing a game of Jumanji.”

If your house doesn’t look like it’s been trampled over by a herd of wild elephants from time to time, then something is wrong. Kids are supposed to make messes. They’re playing, and they’re learning, and that’s great! It’s so frustrating when you’re cleaning one mess, and the kids are in the room next to you making another one. It’s a never-ending battle. But one day, they’ll grow up, and they won’t be making messes anymore, and you’ll actually miss having to clean up after them.

*Be sure to check out my friend’s course on Family Routines. It includes tons of helpful information on getting kids to help with chores, as well as tips and tricks for managing all of your wifely household duties that can sometimes be overwhelming! 

3. “Before becoming a parent, I never knew I could ruin someone’s life by asking them to put pants on.”

Toddlers are monsters. And I say that in the nicest possible way. They are sooo overly emotional. It’s actually kind of funny.

You’ll politely say, “Can we please put your pants on?” And they will fall to the ground and kick and scream as if they’re being possessed by a demon. So you can get angry with them and deal with a fight. Or you can giggle a little because it’s just so ridiculous and remain calm while you deal with it.

4. “Parenting was much easier when I was raising my non-existent kids hypothetically.”

Ah, yes! Think back to that time before you had your first baby, you saw some lady in the park who let her kid eat the cracker he dropped on the ground and you gasp and say, “I will never let my kids do that!”

You had all these plans and thoughts about what kind of mom you were going to be and what you were going to allow or not allow, no bribery because you’re just going to “teach your kids to listen.” I bet it didn’t all turn out exactly how you planned, did it? No. Because being a mom is freakin’ hard, and sometimes you have to pick your battles, or you’re going to lose your shiz.

5. “Try waking up an hour earlier every day, so you can be 15 minutes late instead of 30 minutes late.”

Right after you give birth, your nurse at the hospital will bring in some paperwork for you to sign. If you read the fine print, it says, “I agree to arrive late to every destination for the rest of this lifetime.”

No, but seriously, it is so hard to get anywhere on time. Even if you start getting ready early. I don’t know if it’s the baby pooping right before you step out the door or the 15 different times you have to run back into the house to grab the things you forgot… probably a bit of both. I used to be the most punctual person, and now I’ve accepted that I will be late sometimes, okay most of the time.

6. “You know you’re a mom when going anywhere by yourself is exciting.”

Your husband is home, and you need to go to the grocery store for something for dinner. You smile as you grab the keys, get in the car, and turn the stereo on loud enough to drown out your live concert.

You walk through the aisles with a spring in your step, but being careful to take your time because this is the only 15 minutes you’re going to get for the day. All I can say is, you do you, Mama! You enjoy those 15 minutes!

7. “A mother is never needed more than when she’s in the shower, going to the bathroom, or about to eat something.”

What is it about you doing something for yourself that just eats them alive inside like something is telling them they must demand a fruit snack right away?

You aren’t safe anywhere. Even if your husband is home, they will run right past him to come to ask you for something. Kids, gotta love them.

8. “Toddler to-do list: 1. Ask for waffle 2. Refuse waffle 3. Ask why your waffle is taken away 4. Cry because you don’t have your waffle.”

If this doesn’t explain life with a toddler, I don’t know what does! They are sooo dramatic. Sometimes it’ll drive you mad. Other times it will make you laugh until you cry. Age 2-3 is so bittersweet.

You go between feeling so excited for everything they are learning and will continue to learn and crying because you want them to stay little forever. Just enjoy the chaos before it’s gone, and you wish it were still there.

Make sure you check out our article on The Ultimate List of Toddler Hacks for helpful tips and resources for life with a toddler! 

9. “When I tell my kids I’ll do something in a minute, what I’m really saying is, ‘please forget?’”

Every. Time. Like, no. I don’t want to get up and get you a cup of juice that you will take one drink of, and then most likely spill. But heaven forbid if I just say “no,” I’ll have to listen to an insane tantrum. But! If I say, “in a minute,” I can pray to the Gods that they will forget about it.

10. “I used to have functioning brain cells, but I traded them in for children.”

Every time you give birth, you push out some of your brain cells with your baby. Mom-brain is real. I used to be an excellent driver. And ever since I had my daughter, I suck!

It’s like your brain is thinking about so many different things all at once that you literally can’t apply your entire focus to one thing. You forget about appointments, miss events you wanted to go to; it’s so hard. Adjusting to not functioning as smoothly as you once did, is not an easy adjustment. But hey, I think I’d give up all my brain cells for my kids. (;

11. “The quickest way for a parent to get a child’s attention is to sit down and look comfortable.”

There’s something about a parent getting nice and comfortable that just sets off an alarm in a child’s mind. And it reminds them of all of the things they could possibly want at that moment. 

Oddly enough, if you’re in a position to get them something, they don’t need anything. But take a seat, and suddenly the world is going to end if they don’t get what they want within 30 seconds. 

12. “Parenting is yelling ‘you just had a snack!’ over and over again until you give in and throw them another snack.”

The snacks are never-ending. It doesn’t matter if they ate lunch 10 minutes ago. It doesn’t matter if they’re full. It’s always snack time. 

Whether they’re growing and wanting extra food, or they are just bored. You can never have enough snacks in your house. Ever. 

*Don’t forget to check out our 30 Day “Be A Happier Mom” Challenge when you’re finished reading this article. 

13. “Clean the house for 2 hours. Watch the humans you created destroy it in 10 minutes. Repeat for 20 years. This is parenthood.”

Let’s change that to at least 20 years. Possibly more, debating on how many kids you have, how far apart, when they move out, etc. 

Why does it take so much less time to destroy something than it takes to put it together? And why is it so much more tempting to make a mess in an area that has just been cleaned? We may never know. 

14. “I’d love to be a Pinterest mom. But it turns out I’m more of an Amazon Prime mom.”

Pinterest moms are few and far between. They have a unique ability that a lot of moms are not blessed with. It’s honestly probably magic. It’s the only explanation. Most moms don’t have the time to make anything, let alone make it Pinterest-worthy. 

And that’s why Amazon Prime is a mom’s best friend. Anything you need, straight to your door within two days or less. Sold. 

15. “Currently helping my kids search for their candy that I ate last night.”

If parents had a dollar for every time they ate their children’s candy, they would all be rich. It’s self-sacrifice, really. Candy is bad for you, and you don’t want your children eating too much sugar. So, you take one for the team and eat it yourself. 

Parents are just so selfless and so considerate. To put their health in jeopardy to protect their kids. How noble! At least, this is how I rationalize eating all of my kids’ candy. 

16. “Motherhood is an extreme sport. That’s why we have to wear exercise clothes every day.”

Moms who wear jeans all the time are another level of impressive. The most common uniform for a mom is stretchy pants and a t-shirt. Because why wear tight jeans when the majority of your day is bending over to pick up children, along with all of the stuff they leave on the floor. 

*When motherhood is stressing you out, try these Positive Affirmations for Moms!

17. “The easiest way to go shopping with kids is not to.” 

Shopping with kids is just downright awful. I am pretty sure that’s why they invented grocery pick-up. Not just for the parent’s sake, but the store as well. 

If there is a way to make it work that you don’t have to take your kids with you shopping, by all means, do it! Don’t put yourself through that trauma if you don’t have to. 

18. “It just occurred to me that the majority of my diet is made up of all the food my kids didn’t finish.”

Wasting food is silly, so finishing your kids’ food is just good sense. Sometimes it’s the only time you have to stuff your face during the day anyway. 

Although it would be nice if they would not finish dessert every once in a while, but it seems more common that it’s their vegetables that they are “too full” for. 

19. “80% of parenting is yelling through a closed bathroom door.”

Maybe even closer to 90%! And it’s typically always the same things; they want a snack, they’re fighting with their siblings, or they can’t find something. 

And the parents who get to yell through the door are the lucky ones. The others just get walked in on and stared at while trying to use the bathroom.

20. “A good way to prepare yourself for parenting is to talk to rocks because they have similar listening habits.”

Rocks might even listen better. Unless you’re talking about snacks, the park, or something you’re trying to keep them from hearing, they probably aren’t listening. 

A wall is also a good option to practice with. It’s just as effective. 

21. “Parenting hack: There are no hacks. Everything is hard. These kids don’t listen. This is your life now. Godspeed.” 

The most accurate one yet. You just get to figure it out as you go! What works one day might not work the next. What works with one kid probably won’t work with the others. It’s literally just trial and error, for the rest of your life. Good luck! 

What did I tell you… accurate, right?! What are your favorite funny parenting quotes? 

Let us know in the comments! We would love to add your funny quotes about motherhood to our list. Don’t forget to head over to our homepage and check out some more awesome content!

Don’t forget to check out our other great parenting content:

• 11 Realistic Ways To Stay Motivated As A Mom
• How to Make Screen Time for Kids Beneficial
• 19 Bittersweet Quotes About Kids Growing Up Too Fast