Motherhood is full of surprises! Everyone knows that it’s going to be hard, but there’s no way to explain exactly what life will be like as a parent. As crazy as is it, it’s the most rewarding, and fun job you will ever have in this lifetime. And when things start to get hard, you have to see the humor in it all or you might just lose your mind!
These 10 Funny Parenting Quotes will give you a taste of what motherhood is really like!
“Being a parent is like folding a fitted sheet, no one really knows how.”
Even though everyone thinks they know how to be a “perfect” parent, they don’t. It’s funny how the world always assumes they can be a better mother to your children than you can. But guess what? Everyone has different parenting styles, and that’s okay! As long as you are doing what you can to be the best mother you can be, you’re doing it right! And if you’re stressed about whether or not you’re “good enough,” you already are.
“My house looks like I’m losing a game of Jumanji.”
If your house doesn’t look like it’s been trampled over by a herd of wild elephants from time to time, then something is wrong. Kids are supposed to make messes. They’re playing, and they’re learning, and that’s great! It’s so frustrating when you’re cleaning one mess, and the kids are in the room next to you making another one. It’s a never-ending battle. But one day, they’ll grow up and they won’t be making messes anymore, and you’ll actually miss having to clean up after them.
“Before becoming a parent I never knew I could ruin someone’s life by asking them to put pants on.”
Toddlers are monsters. And I say that in the nicest possible way. They are sooo overly emotional. It’s actually kind of funny. You’ll politely say, “Can we please put your pants on?” And they will fall to the ground and kick and scream as if they’re being possessed by a demon. So you can get angry with them, and deal with a fight. Or you can giggle a little because it’s just so ridiculous, and remain calm while you deal with it.
“Parenting was much easier when I was raising my non-existent kids hypothetically.”
Ah, yes! Think back to that time before you had your first baby, you saw some lady in the park who let her kid eat the cracker he dropped on the ground and you gasp and say “I will never let my kids do that!” You had all these plans and thoughts about what kind of mom you were going to be, and what you were going to allow or not allow, no bribery because you’re just going to “teach your kids to listen.” I bet it didn’t all turn out exactly how you planned, did it? No. Because being a mom is freakin’ hard, and sometimes you have to pick your battles or you’re going to lose your shiz.
“Try waking up an hour earlier every day, so you can be 15 minutes late instead of 30 minutes late.”
Right after you give birth, your nurse at the hospital will bring in some paperwork for you to sign. If you read the fine print, it says “I agree to arrive late to every destination for the rest of this lifetime.” No, but seriously, it is so hard to get anywhere on time. Even if you start getting ready early. I don’t know if it’s the baby pooping right before you step out the door, or the 15 different times you have to run back into the house to grab the things you forgot… probably a bit of both. I used to be the most punctual person, and now I’ve accepted the fact that I will be late sometimes, okay most of the time.
“You know you’re a mom when going anywhere by yourself is exciting.”
Your husband is home, and you need to go to the grocery store for something for dinner. You smile as you grab the keys, get in the car, and turn the stereo on loud enough to drown out your live concert. You walk through the aisles with a spring in your step, but being careful to take your time because this is the only 15 minutes you’re going to get for the day. All I can say is, you do you, Mama! You enjoy that 15 minutes!
“A mother is never needed more than when she’s in the shower, going to the bathroom, or about to eat something.”
What is it about you doing something for yourself that just eats them alive inside, like something is telling them they must demand a fruit snack right away. You aren’t safe anywhere. Even if your husband is home, they will run right past him to come to ask you for something. Kids, gotta love them.
“Toddler to do list: 1. Ask for waffle 2. Refuse waffle 3. Ask why your waffle is taken away 4. Cry because you don’t have your waffle.”
If this doesn’t explain life with a toddler, then I don’t know what does! They are sooo dramatic. Sometimes it’ll drive you mad, other times it will make you laugh until you cry. Age 2-3 is so bittersweet. You go between feeling so excited for all of the things they are learning and will continue to learn, and crying because you want them to stay little forever. Just enjoy the chaos before it’s gone, and you wish it was still there.
“When I tell my kids I’ll do something in a minute, what I’m really saying is, ‘please forget?’”
Every. Time. Like, no. I don’t want to get up and go get you a cup of juice that you will take one drink of, and then most likely spill. But heaven forbid if I just say “no,” I’ll have to listen to an insane tantrum. But! If I say, “in a minute,” then I can pray to the Gods that they will forget about it.
“I used to have functioning brain cells, but I traded them in for children.”
Every time you give birth, you push out some of your brain cells with your baby. Mom-brain is real. I used to be an excellent driver. And ever since I had my daughter, I suck! It’s like your brain is thinking about so many different things all at once that you literally can’t apply your entire focus onto one thing. You forget about appointments, miss events you wanted to go to, it’s so hard. Adjusting to not functioning as smoothly as you once did, is not an easy adjustment. But hey, I think I’d give up all my brain cells for my kids. (;
What did I tell you… accurate, right?! What are your favorite funny motherhood quotes? Let us know in the comments! Don’t forget to head over to our homepage and check out some more awesome content!
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