If you’re reading this, it’s because you want to learn how to be a better wife. Congratulations! You came to the right place. You are already succeeding in improvement by taking the first step and reaching out for advice.
These tips are bound to help you accomplish your goal, and in turn, help you to have a happier and healthier relationship with your husband.
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12 Tips That Will Answer Your Question: How to Be A Better Wife to Your Husband
1. Stop reflecting
If your husband is in a bad mood and he is taking his anger of the day out on you, don’t mimic it. It can be easy to have the attitude “Well if he’s going to be a jerk than I can be one right back.”
There’s a saying that goes something like this: Marriage isn’t 50/50. Stop thinking that you need to be putting in 50% of the effort and he has to give the other 50%. There will be times when he can’t give 50%, he can only give 10%. You’re there to pick up the slack and give the other 90%. You’re a team, and he will need your strength on the days he just isn’t strong enough.
2. Forfeit the game
We women are an opinionated people. And being so opinionated often comes with a sense of “I’m right, and you’re wrong. Always.”
This mindset is satisfying at the moment in which your husband gives in, but it’s toxic. Constantly telling someone they’re wrong and disregarding their opinion is bound to create tension and distance.
Be sure to read these 16 Powerful Marriage Lessons We Learned the Hard Way
3. Choose which battles you’re willing to lose soldiers over
You here the saying “choose your battles” all of the time. What this means is, don’t argue about every little thing. Decide which arguments are worth fighting.
A good rule of thumb for deciding what’s worth fighting about, is to ask yourself this: “Will this matter one year from now? If it isn’t about something so important to you that you will remember it in a year, it’s not worth the fight.
As for the soldiers, you will lose some. Your soldiers are your husband, kids, and sometimes even your friends and family. Fighting every battle will take its toll on everyone. Your marriage will take a hit every time you have an argument. Are the petty little arguments worth the damage it’s causing?
4. Put your marriage on a diet
Every living thing needs to eat to survive, but odds are it will only truly thrive if it’s fed a healthy balance of the five major food groups. Marriage also has five marriage food groups:
- Service – Serving one another, doing things without being asked to show love and support.
- Intimacy – Too much or not enough intimacy can make or break a relationship.
- Respect – There’s not a marriage in the world that will last without mutual respect.
- Trust – Your spouse is supposed to be the one person you can come to with anything
- Dedication – Make a commitment to never give up even when it gets hard.
Having a balance of all of these things is the secret to a healthy marriage. Your relationship will not survive if it doesn’t have ALL of these things.
5. Sit Down. Be Humble.
Humble is a commonly misunderstood term. To be humble is to admit that you don’t know everything, and to be willing to learn. This goes hand and hand with humility, which is the ability to acknowledge and admit that you have room for improvement. To do this, you have to be strong enough to feel ashamed or embarrassed, as that is typically the natural response. However, it shouldn’t be. We are human, that means we are incapable of being perfect. When making a mistake, it’s appropriate to feel apologetic, but not forgiving yourself is only going to further damage yourself psychologically.
Being humble also goes hand and hand with vulnerability. Being vulnerable to someone can be scary, but it’s important that you are able to share a connection with your spouse that allows you to feel safe enough to show vulnerability.
This is the ultimate level of trust in a relationship. Trusting someone to accept you mentally, with all of your flaws, and be confident that your relationship is strong enough to withstand any vulnerabilities you might have.
6. Learn How to Speak His Language
His love language, that is. If you’ve never heard about the five love languages, I highly suggest you read the book.
The reason why this is SO important is because it helps you understand that what you want from your husband, might not be what he wants from you.
The five love languages are:
- Words of Affirmation (compliments)
- Acts of Service (doing something nice and/or helpful)
- Quality Time
- Physical Touch
Just because you respond best to acts of service doesn’t mean he does. Try to communicate and show him appreciation through HIS love language. You can take the test together and see which love language you each have!
7. If you don’t have anything nice to say then don’t say anything at all
It can be so tempting to call up your BFF and vent about your marriage struggles. But don’t do it. It’s your friends and family’s job to take your side, and tell you that “you don’t deserve that.” And the world today tries to convince you that your marriage should be perfect, and if it’s not you should leave because “you deserve better.” But the truth is, neither of you are perfect. And a relationship without problems doesn’t exist.
So, don’t talk about your husband unless you’re talking him up. And, make it a point to talk positively about him more often!
If you need to vent, try talking to an unbiased party, such as a therapist. OR, something that actually works really well is to write out your feelings in a stress journal. You can say whatever you want, and get it all out. You can leave it in there or tear it out and throw it away. After you’ve done that, try talking to your husband about what’s upsetting you. You won’t believe how much easier it is to talk calmly about your problems once you’ve already let out your frustrations without holding back. Try it. It’s amazing.
8. Stick to a 1:4 ratio
For every one complaint, aim for four (or more) shows of appreciation. Nothing’s worse than your husband thinking all you do is nag at him.
Make it a point to always tell him what you appreciate about him and what he does for the family. This way, if there is something concerning you and you need to voice your opinion, he’s not just thinking about how you never stop nagging. If he develops this mentality, it will be easier for him to stop taking you seriously and ignoring your concerns.
Everyone loves to feel appreciated. And if you take the time to tell him how much you appreciate him, it WILL motivate him to do the same for you.
9. Man up
Talk to him like a man, meaning – be his best friend. If he wants to talk about cars, truly listen – even if it’s boring. Listen to him so well, that you can start actually understanding what he’s talking about, and even respond with a real answer.
If you don’t know what he’s talking about, ask questions. He would probably love to teach you, and it will make him so happy to know you have an interest in his interest.
Take this to the next level and take part in his hobbies. I changed the shocks on our car and helped my husband take apart an engine in my kitchen because I refused to sit outside in the freezing cold garage. While it wasn’t all that “fun”, watching how happy it made him for me to be a part of it was worth it.
10. Take time for yourself
One of the worst things you can do for your marriage is to ignore your own needs. By not taking time for yourself, you will not be your best self. And when you are suffering, your relationships will suffer too.
Whether you realize it or not, you will start to resent your husband if you’re not able to do anything for yourself and he does.
This is especially important after having kids! When you are taking care of others so much that you’re neglecting your own self-care, you will start to go crazy. Going crazy will only result in stress on your family. How can you be expected to take care of others when you yourself aren’t healthy? Check out this list of self-care ideas for busy women.
11. Take a look in the mirror
The best thing you can do in your marriage is to ask yourself, “what can I change to be a better person?” By working through your own personal issues, even if they’re not related to your marriage, you will feel better.
Be aware of how much you currently criticizing something he’s doing. Set goals for reducing that number. Aim for one criticism a day, or a week, or a month, etc. Whatever goal is realistic for you.
In place of this criticism, work on doing something every day to improve your own mental health.
When you have your own personal issues, you tend to project your frustrations of on your husband.
Maybe you are having issues with your self-esteem, find a book about learning to love yourself and try to read a page a day. If you’re unsatisfied with your physical appearance, try exercising and eating healthier. If you aren’t happy with your job, look into switching employment OR find a hobby as a healthy outlet to relieve stress. Bonus if you can later profit from your hobby – this is why I started blogging. When I started making money I quit my job
Be sure to check out these 13 Common Mistakes Women Often Make In Their Marriage
12. Stop gazing out the window
Stop looking at the neighbor’s marriage (or your friends on facebook) and comparing it to your own. Their marriage is NOT perfect. No one is going to tell the world about their marriage problems. You’re only seeing the best parts of it. Don’t compare their best parts of their relationship to the worst parts of yours.
You also need to let go of your daydreams about prince charming. As much as Disney wants you to believe in him, he doesn’t exist. You have to set realistic expectations for your marriage or you will NEVER be happy.
Marriage is not a walk in the park. It’s a triathlon. Running through the park, followed by biking up Mount Everest, followed by swimming across the Atlantic ocean.
But you agreed, “til’ death do us part.” Don’t give up until you’ve fought your best hardest fight.
The first step in a better marriage is learning how to be a better wife. I hope these tips can help you take that first step with confidence and determination.
Don’t forget to check out these related articles:
- 13 Mistakes Women Make in Their Marriage that Lead to Divorce
- 16 Common Marriage Problems Couples Often Suffer From
- 7 Ways to Improve Your Marriage You Probably Haven’t Thought Of
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