For some reason, everyone has this idea that marriage is supposed to be perfect. If anything goes wrong, everyone is there to quickly put in their opinion, and it’s usually to leave your spouse. I believe that if you love someone, you will make it work. There is no such thing as a marriage in which spouses don’t disagree in at least a few different areas. Now don’t get me wrong, if the relationship is abusive in any way– I don’t recommend staying, but if it’s not… and you truly love someone then you should work on your marriage. No relationship is perfect, but trying these 5 things might help to improve your marriage.
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1. Make A List
The first thing I did to make my marriage work a little bit better was to make a list of what I was doing that I felt was putting a strain on our daily lives. Here was part of my list:
-“Nagging” too much
-Too high of expectations
After I compiled my list, I vowed to work on doing a little less of those things each day. In turn, I gave him a list of things that he does that I would like him to work on. I told him that we both need to put in the effort to make it work. When one of us got out of line, the other reminded them that they needed to get back on track.
2. Choose Your Battles
This one I struggled with. My mind works in such way that I expect perfection with everything. So I constantly find myself stressing over the littlest of things. Whether it be the dishes not being put away correctly, or trash being left on the counter. I realized that my marriage wouldn’t last if everything that came out of my mouth was a complaint about something so small. So I told myself, “choose your battles, McKayla.” Instead of complaining the dishes weren’t put away correctly, I quickly fixed them myself. When I did feel the urge to complain, I took a deep breath, and said it as politely and patiently as I could, and I gave my reasoning as to why I needed it to be done a certain way.
3. Do Something Nice Everyday
Think back to when your relationship was in it’s prime…My husband and I always left notes for each other, or boughteach other a small gift to show our appreciation. I knew we needed to reinstate that. So I vowed to do something each day for my husband to show my gratitude for everything he does. Whether it be a note, breakfast ready, his favorite candy, or just a text while he’s at work, I try to put a smile on his face one way or another.
4. Respect Each Others Roles
I cannot stress this enough. It’s so hard, after an awful day, to remember that just because your spouse doesn’t have the same job as you, doesn’t mean their day isn’t equally as trying. I often times catch myself thinking “Gosh, I just need a break, when Jayson gets home he can take the baby and I’ll relax.” I have to make myself realize that he could need a break too. The same goes for him. He needs to respect that even though I don’t put in a 40 hour work week, doesn’t mean my “job” isn’t just as tiring as his. I’ve always had a strong opinion about judging someones profession, because every single job has its hard parts, and being a mom is far from easy!
5. Fix Your Attitude
This one was my biggest struggle. I always let the littlest things upset me, and ruin the rest of my day. Until one day I decided that I was not going to let that happen anymore. I told myself that you choose your own attitude, and if you’re going to sit around and mope that’s no ones fault but your own. If something makes you mad, you take a breath and you get over it, plain and simple. By adopting this one habit, I’ve completely changed my life. Now when I see someone acting like I used to, I laugh. If you think about it, it’s silly to let someone who made you so upset gain the satisfaction of it affecting your entire day. Don’t let ANYONE or ANYTHING have that much power over you. Tell yourself you’re going to be happy, and then do it!
I highly suggest reading a book called “The 5 Love Languages”. I read it with my husband, and it really helps you to see how different you are from your spouse. A lot of people try to show their spouse love in the way THEY themselves would want it, not realizing that their spouse might respond to that sort of affection differently. Read this book together, you won’t regret it!
For more tips, read 6 Things the Woman In Your Life Wishes You Would Do More Often
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