After I had Madi, I can honestly say I loved her so much that it hurt! I have always had some issues with anxiety, but nothing compared to what it was like after having my baby. I was constantly worried about doing things wrong, and always trying to find a way to do things better. And of course never giving myself a break because I was the only person in this world I trusted to care for my baby. And although I knew that there isn’t a book out there that gives you all the answers about parenting, I was trying to find it. My anxiety was so overwhelming it sent me into a depression, and I didn’t know how I was going to fix it. When my doctor asked me if I had any symptoms of postpartum depression, I was hesitant to say anything because I was so worried that someone might think that because I was depressed, I wasn’t ready, or I regretted having a baby… which was the farthest thing from the truth! Nonetheless, I was scared to say anything. But I did! She thought it was best to try medication. So I tried it, and soon thereafter realized how sick it was making me, and it wasn’t even improving the anxiety. Since I wasn’t fond of taking medication, I developed a system that SAVED me. I honestly don’t know what my life would be like if I hadn’t have implemented this routine into my life. So here it is!
–The most important thing I did to improve my postpartum depression was to exercise every day. This seriously changed my whole life. Exercise is the perfect anti-depressant! It releases feel-good chemicals in the brain, and reduces immune system chemicals that can worsen depression. [Read More]
There are so many things I can say to you, but it still wouldn’t scratch the surface of my true feelings. But just to give you an idea of what I think about when I think of you, I wrote you a letter; here it is!
I am forever grateful. I am grateful that even though you never wanted children, you took me in as your own. I am grateful that you didn’t turn the other way, when you saw I needed help. I am grateful that you took on the responsibility of being my mother, my father, and my best friend. I am grateful that you were such a wonderful teacher. You taught me to be responsible, smart, compassionate, and most of all…you taught me to be selfless. I am grateful that because of you, I am happy. I am successful. I am like you, I’m one of the few genuinely good people in this world.
I am regretful. I am regretful that it took me so long to be grateful. I am regretful that I was so hard on you. I regret that I let the anger I had toward my parents be deflected onto you, even though you were the last person in the world that deserved it. I regret not telling you “thank you” every single day. I regret taking advantage of your selflessness. Most of all, I regret not writing you this letter sooner. [Read More]