The Reality of Becoming a Mother

 

When you become a mother, life gets much more challenging. Opinions you’ve had your whole life start to change, your worldview gets turned upside down, and your mind starts to question every thought you’ve ever had. Being a mother is one of the most stressful, frustrating, and absolutely wonderful things you can ever do for yourself. It’s the most rewarding challenge you’ll ever face. That being said, there are a lot of things that happen when you give life to another human being.

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-First, you have to deal with criticism from other mothers. In today’s world, no matter what parenting approach you take, you’re wrong in somebody’s eyes. Whether you co-sleep or crib sleep, whether you breastfeed of formula feed, whether you go to work or stay home… you will always be wrong. There will always be a statistic of some sort telling you that you are a bad mother, and there will always be one stating that you’re doing everything right. Every baby requires different treatment, so who is anyone to say they know what’s best for a baby…more so than it’s own mother?! So if a mom is doing everything in her power to keep her baby happy and healthy, she’s doing right by her child, and that’s all that should matter.

-You also have to adapt to a new schedule, one that includes less sleep, and more solitude. You eventually learn to function on a few hours of sleep each night. You might have bags under your eyes, and knots in your hair, but you’re awake and giving your sweet baby all the love that they deserve. Even though you wouldn’t trade your time with your baby for the world, it does get lonely without any adult interaction, especially for stay at home moms. You go a little stir crazy when you don’t get enough conversation in your day, which can make it harder on your spouse, because you’re so dependent on that short time you get with them when they are home.

-Which leads me to my next point, you will have to work harder at ALL of your relationships if you want to maintain them. There will be strain on your marriage, not only because the lack of intimacy and sleep, but also because the increase of stress and irritability. Both of you will feel as if you never get a break. Also, you will have to work harder at your relationships with your friends as well. For the friends that don’t have children, it’s going to be hard to spend time with them, considering a lot of the activities they enjoy will most likely not be kid-friendly. For the friends who do have children, you will see them sometimes, but it’s hard to find a time to meet up with people because you have to plan it around nap time, feeding schedules, appointments, etc. So to maintain these relationships you’re going to have to remember to prioritize them, and hopefully your friends and family are understanding as to how hard it is to go out and do certain things.

-Another thing that comes along with becoming a mother is anxiety. I’m not talking about the kind of anxiety where you suffer from a panic attack, and you can’t breathe (although that does happen to some mothers), I’m talking about the kind that you endure every second of every day, hoping that nothing bad will ever come to your baby. It can be mild, and it can be severe. The mild is more along the lines of getting really nervous leaving your baby with a sitter, or when your baby is crying and there’s nothing you can do to soothe them. The severe anxiety kicks in when your baby is hurt and you need to take them to the hospital…Or when your doctor tells you something is wrong and your baby will need surgery. You will have this anxiety until the day you die, because becoming a mother means constantly worrying about someone else’s well being more than your own, no matter their age.

-Lastly, the struggle I find most challenging about being a mother, is the roller coaster of emotions that comes along with it. You’re stressed beyond belief, worried about everything, more irritable than ever before, way overly emotional, and despite all of this, you’re the happiest you’ve ever been. Every new skill your baby learns almost brings a tear to your eye because you’re happy that they’re learning so much, and you’re sad that it’s happening so fast. When they laugh, your heart melts away. And when they see you after you’ve been out of their site for five minutes, and they run up to you with a huge smile on their face, drool down their shirt, yelling “MOMMY!” like they haven’t seen you in years, you become so overwhelmed with joy. You will then realize that all of the hardest parts of becoming a mother, aren’t even a factor anymore. You would do it all over a million times, every day, for the rest of your life… just for one slobbery, open mouth kiss. That is the absolute reality of becoming a mother. If you or someone you know struggles with postpartum depression/anxiety, click here!

60 Comments

  1. Bryce Rae

    April 12, 2017 at 2:09 am

    I very much agree. I have been a stay at home parent for the last 8 years. Yes, there are many times and reasons I have felt I am going insane, but there are also times I realise how lucky I am.

    1. McKayla B.

      April 12, 2017 at 2:29 am

      I couldn’t agree more! Keeping your sanity is a challenge for sure!

  2. Caz Wilson

    April 12, 2017 at 5:28 am

    Great points! I’m not a mother yet but this is definitely food for thought!

    1. McKayla B.

      April 12, 2017 at 1:51 pm

      Thank you! (:

  3. Kathryn

    April 12, 2017 at 3:24 pm

    This post was such a great read and really well written. My first baby is due in about two week and it gave me a good idea about what to expect. Thank you so much!

    1. McKayla B.

      April 12, 2017 at 8:12 pm

      I’m so glad you found it helpful! 2 weeks?! How exciting! I wish you the best of luck, it’s such an amazing experience!

  4. Sara Calinas

    April 12, 2017 at 6:36 pm

    I loved reading this. My sister has 2 young children and she read it with me and agreed on every point you made. I have yet to have children of my own but it is something I often think about and I love that you have kept this very real rather than beat around the bush. It make me feel a little more prepared for when my time come. Thank you! <3

    1. McKayla B.

      April 12, 2017 at 8:13 pm

      I’m so glad she agrees. Motherhood is definitely hard, but so worth it! Thank you so much for your kind words!(:

  5. Abbey

    April 14, 2017 at 8:40 pm

    I agree with every word! It is a lot of work to maintain your relationships when there is a little person relying on you for everything. My anxiety was TERRIBLE too and I eventually had to start taking something for it. I feel like it gets (a little) easier as they get older though, since babies are SO DEMANDING! 🙂

    1. McKayla B.

      April 15, 2017 at 4:37 am

      Definitely! My daughter is almost one and a half and it’s already a lot better!

    2. Turk

      April 21, 2017 at 2:49 pm

      Mad.n.y. this looks INSANE. And I agree with Ashton, I love middle and edge pieces equally, but that middle piece looks so perfect. And lemon IS so perfect. Can I have this for every meal of the day?

  6. Megan Anne

    April 14, 2017 at 8:56 pm

    I’m not a mother, so on a personal level I can’t relate. But I will say that this is very touching. I shared with a friend and she told me that it was all very true and that it even made her tear up a few times.

    1. McKayla B.

      April 15, 2017 at 4:38 am

      That makes me so happy to hear that! I was a little teary-eyed myself when I was writing it!

  7. Sarah

    April 14, 2017 at 10:30 pm

    These are so true! There are tough times all around but I wouldnt change it for anything. My 3 kids are my everything!

    1. McKayla B.

      April 15, 2017 at 4:40 am

      I completely agree, even the hardest parts of parenting are nothing compared to the joy you get from watching your babies learn and grow!

  8. Breeanna

    April 14, 2017 at 10:55 pm

    I totally agree with everything you said. I especially relate to you first point about always being wrong in someones eyes. I remember being a new mother and constantly being given conflicting advice. It was so frustrating. Great read for new moms!

    1. McKayla B.

      April 15, 2017 at 4:41 am

      It’s so hard! You try to do what you feel is best but there are so many people telling you you’re wrong. I finally came to a point where I would respect everyone’s opinion, but I knew what was best for MY baby.

  9. Danielle

    April 14, 2017 at 11:13 pm

    I don’t have children (mine have paws) but this was a really eye opening read. I give mothers so much credit. Just remember to do you, always. It doesn’t matter what other people think.

    1. McKayla B.

      April 15, 2017 at 4:43 am

      Hey the ones with paws count! Haha We have a few fur babies too. But motherhood is hard for sure! It took me a while to get to the point where I trusted my instinct, and know that I know what’s best, even of people are telling me I don’t.

  10. Andrea Broom

    April 15, 2017 at 2:50 am

    While I am not a mother yet, it was a great read. My mom was a stay at home mom for a long time an then worked after her and my dad split. I know she has always said motherhood is hard but she wouldn’t change it for the world. Thanks for sharing this.

    1. McKayla B.

      April 15, 2017 at 4:45 am

      It’s so eye opening to grow up and see just what our parents did for us! I wish I could go back and be more grateful each and everyday. Your mom sounds like a great example of what motherhood is all about.

  11. Addison Messer

    April 15, 2017 at 4:06 pm

    Becoming a parent is full of added emotions and joys.

    1. McKayla B.

      April 15, 2017 at 8:44 pm

      Definitely! But totally worth it!

  12. James

    April 15, 2017 at 5:06 pm

    As a father, these issues go both ways. As well as feeling all the new responsibilities, we have to support the mother too.

    1. McKayla B.

      April 15, 2017 at 8:46 pm

      I have no doubt that it’s just as hard, if not harder for a father, because they have to deal with their emotions AND the mother’s emotions about all of it! I’m glad my husband understands that I get a little crazy sometimes! (;

  13. Shelby @Fitasamamabear

    April 15, 2017 at 5:53 pm

    Great post! Becoming a mother changes just about every aspect of your life. Which can make it scary, overwhelming and frustrating. yes, we have to work harder (at everything- even to feel normal) but it’s all totally worth each time. Love the post xx

    1. McKayla B.

      April 15, 2017 at 8:47 pm

      Thank you! It really is mind altering!

  14. Christine

    April 15, 2017 at 6:10 pm

    Being a mom is one of the hardest jobs out there (besides being a teacher too, lol). I just had my second son after a long pregnancy journey. I try to focus on all the blessings in life but do get caught up in the little things. Having a positive support group of family and friends helps too.

    1. McKayla B.

      April 15, 2017 at 8:51 pm

      It really does! My husband and sister have saved the day many times! It’s so hard to not get caught up in the little things! Our minds tend to run a little ragged.

  15. Jessica Devlin Design

    April 15, 2017 at 8:09 pm

    I totally agree more. Especially every child needing something different and being a good parent is trying to find out what to do that works best with your kid.

    1. McKayla B.

      April 15, 2017 at 8:52 pm

      So true! I also work in a daycare, and trying to find different ways of helping each child is such a challenge!

  16. Our Irish Family

    April 15, 2017 at 8:18 pm

    This post is great, I am a first-time mum to a one-year-old and the emotional struggle is real. Most days I’m perfectly fine however, there are days where you just flip at every situation and become irritable. However, it really is such an amazing experience 🙂 Thanks for sharing.

    1. McKayla B.

      April 15, 2017 at 8:54 pm

      I’m right there with you! My daughter is one as well! I’m just starting to de-stress a little. The emotional roller coaster is so hard to live your life around!

  17. Amy

    April 15, 2017 at 9:12 pm

    I suffer with post natal depression and anxiety and it kills me each and every day. After having 3 children I never thought I’d get it but I did. Becoming a mum is so hard but so incredibly rewarding.

    1. McKayla B.

      April 16, 2017 at 3:36 am

      It’s so hard! And it’s so difficult to explain to people how you are feeling. Stay strong! The suffering is only temporary, but the happiness they bring you is forever!

  18. Barbara

    April 16, 2017 at 1:50 am

    So true! I can’t believe how much parents judge each other- boo hiss! My theory is that we are all perfectly designed for thekids we get.

    1. McKayla B.

      April 16, 2017 at 3:38 am

      I totally agree. It sucks that there has to be so much judgement, and so little support for one another. But if we all keep helping to motivate each other we might just change things! (;

  19. Liz

    April 16, 2017 at 3:53 am

    So true! It doesn’t get less stressful as they get older. Being a mom is so much harder than I thought it would be, but it is my favorite job ever.

    1. McKayla B.

      April 16, 2017 at 3:54 am

      Exactly! It’s hard for someone who is not a parent to understand that the hardest job you can ever have makes you the happiest you’ll ever be.

    2. Katherine

      April 21, 2017 at 2:51 pm

      Que puntazo. Muchas feledidacis. Yo ya no puedo esperar para tenerlo en las manos. Felicidades a ti y a todos tus lectores (entre los que yo también me cuento)Lo último publicado por David Torné:

      1. McKayla B.

        April 21, 2017 at 7:12 pm

        Gracias!

  20. Amanda

    April 16, 2017 at 9:11 am

    So agree with this. Especially relationships with friends, you have to make so much more effort to stay in touch!

    1. McKayla B.

      April 17, 2017 at 2:15 pm

      Yes! Especially if your friends don’t have kids.

  21. Tess

    April 16, 2017 at 12:44 pm

    This post is completely spot on! Seriously, couldn’t agree more!

    1. McKayla B.

      April 17, 2017 at 2:16 pm

      Thank you! I’m so glad that everyone feels the same way I do! LOL

      1. Elora

        April 21, 2017 at 2:47 pm

        he: 'The crisis in our libraries is not because of the ≴cutsࢭ – it’s because they are needed less.'My response would be that it's not that they are no longer needed but that we are changing and libraries need to change along with us.

  22. jenny

    April 17, 2017 at 2:56 am

    I’m expecting and this post really makes me feel good! atleast I know I’m not the only one will go through this emotions! 🙂 I cant wait to become a mother so soon 🙂

    1. McKayla B.

      April 17, 2017 at 2:16 pm

      Congratulations! Motherhood is seriously the most amazing thing you’ll ever go through!

  23. Dylan

    April 17, 2017 at 7:38 pm

    I applaud all parents who take care of their children. I couldn’t imagine having to adapt to a new sleep schedule, much less a whole new life by having kids. Cheers to you!

    1. McKayla B.

      April 17, 2017 at 7:43 pm

      Thank you! It’s definitely a lot of work, but it’s well worth it!

  24. Margharet

    April 17, 2017 at 7:56 pm

    This captures exactly how I feel. I can’t help feeling irritable at all times. I pick fights with my husband almost every chance I get. I know it’s wrong, but I just can’t seem to help myself. I’m also always holding my phone cause I need to talk to my friends. I need to talk to people before I become a cave person and forget to communicate. lol

    1. McKayla B.

      April 18, 2017 at 12:32 am

      I’m right there with you! I struggle with it everyday, and there’s so many other moms out there that deal with it too. We all just have to be there for each other so we can get through it! (:

  25. Evelyn Reese

    April 17, 2017 at 11:58 pm

    This post was a great and honest. Thank you for being so transparent and this post will help others.

    1. McKayla B.

      April 18, 2017 at 12:33 am

      Thank you! I tried to be as accurate as possible. (;

  26. Ashley

    April 18, 2017 at 12:48 am

    YES! I’ve been a stay at home mom for almost 6 years and all of these things are soooo true!! I find that the best thing to do is find a group of moms to be a part of. I’m lucky to have found my local MOPS group of supportive moms who are sooooo much like me!

    1. McKayla B.

      April 18, 2017 at 2:34 pm

      That’s awesome! I need to join a group of moms for sure!

  27. Divya: Gone With A Whim

    April 18, 2017 at 4:10 pm

    What a lovely post about the wonder, trials, and tribulations of motherhood. I wish you luck and strength as you go through this journey 🙂 X

    1. McKayla B.

      April 19, 2017 at 7:56 pm

      Thank you! (:

  28. Sharon Wu

    April 20, 2017 at 3:57 am

    interesting post! my best friend is a mom but it’s always nice to hear about what other people are going thru in their motherhood life 🙂 i am far from that stage in my life yet but it’s always fun to learn more about others! thanks for sharing your experience

    xo, sharon

    http://www.stylelullaby.com/interior/wake-up-better-tuft-and-needle/
    @stylelullaby

    1. McKayla B.

      April 20, 2017 at 6:35 pm

      Yes it’s different for everyone, its definitely interesting to hear different people’s takes on how their journey through it was like!

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